John “Rip” Fliszar, USNA ’71 {1949 – 2010}

John “Rip” Fliszar USNA ’71 (L)
with husband Mark Ketterson

Many of us noted the obituary for John “Rip” Fliszar USNA ’71 in the November Shipmate Magazine written by his husband, Mark Ketterson. Although we never had the pleasure of meeting John, we placed his name on our in memoriam page here at USNA Out dot org. As we were simultaneously attempting to reach out to Mark, he contacted to us after he stumbled across our website. His poignant note to us is quoted:

I stumbled upon USNA OUT quite by accident and saw Rip (John) listed. I had no idea this site existed; nor did he, and I am sick over that as it would have meant the world to him. I have indeed read through it, and it’s amazing.

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John “Rip” Fliszar USNA ’71 (L)
with husband Mark Ketterson

Many of us noted the obituary of John “Rip” Fliszar USNA ’71 in the November Shipmate Magazine written by his husband, Mark Ketterson. Although we never had the pleasure of meeting John, we placed his name on our in memoriam page here at USNA Out dot org. As we were simultaneously attempting to reach out to Mark, he contacted to us after he stumbled across our website. His poignant note to us is quoted:

I stumbled upon USNA OUT quite by accident and saw Rip (John) listed. I had no idea this site existed; nor did he, and I am sick over that as it would have meant the world to him. I have indeed read through it, and it’s amazing.

I visited USNA several times with Rip, and have now independently (I have become a semi-regular at Scotlaur Inn above Chick and Ruth’s!). Rip’s passionate identification with the Academy was an integral part of his personhood, and he long made it known he wanted his ashes placed there. We both lost former partners to death; that was part of our bond, and we knew that one of us would inevitably have to go through that again. Turned out to be me and much sooner than expected. I’m hanging in, but it is what it is.

John “Rip” Fliszar USNA ’71
on Stribling Walk

My experience planning Rip’s memorial with USNA was remarkable. Although I am obviously not the first gay person involved in these matters, I glean I might have been the first legally married same-sex spouse to plan a memorial for an Academy grad, unsure about that. When I explained my mission, there was a brief moment of hesitation, and some mention that a letter might be needed from a blood relative in order for me to be involved. I was then asked if I had a marriage license and if I was listed on the death certificate. When both were provided, I was immediately designated “next of kin” and was treated with the highest level of courtesy and respect imaginable. I had contact with members of clergy and the alumni association, as well as with the memorial department staff, all of whom were incredibly helpful. I expressed my gratitude to one of them and was told, “There is no reason you should be treated otherwise, though I know that doesn’t always happen.” Very nice. Rip’s service at the USNA chapel in October was beautifully done, and a huge source of comfort to me and to his mother and sister.

Shortly thereafter, I received a letter from the Alumni Association, acknowledging the death of my “husband.” As a gay man who grew up an army brat, (my dad retired a Colonel) and married a marine – well, suffice it to say this was a powerful thing. It was rather the formulaic “widow’s letter,” to be sure, but therein lay its impact; I was treated the same as any one else, and isn’t that what we all want?

I am a realist, and I am sure that some of the people I dealt with hold private feelings of their own about these matters – but that isn’t the point. What is pertinent is that my husband was accorded the honor he had earned; I was treated with the same respect due any widowed spouse, and no one’s personal opinions at any time stood in the way of their patriotism. The treatment I received at USNA made me very proud to be an American.

John “Rip” Fliszar USNA ’71
and Mark on chapel steps

I just spent several days in Annapolis over the New Year holiday. It was a healing time, as the place was virtually deserted and it almost seemed that he and I were alone together there. With no crowds, I could walk about more freely in front of Bancroft, stroll over to the “red beach” as he called it, and sit with him at the columbarium as long as I needed. When we visited together in the past, we would go to church at the chapel, so I did on my own on January 2. Rip had always spoken of the crypt of John Paul Jones as a special, quiet time place for him as a Midshipman. For whatever reason, after the service last week I was asked to count the offering, and was escorted into the crypt, did so, and signed the envelope as asked. Why they approached me, I’ll never know. A little moment of spiritual synchronicity maybe. Maybe not. In any case, it felt sweet to sit in his special place, and after all my contact with USNA it was satisfying to be able to give something back and perform some tiny service, even something as inconsequential as counting an offering. It provided a poignant emotional coda to an important few days for me, and a warm sense of ongoing connection to USNA – and by association, to Rip.

Writing-wise, I’m the Chicago correspondent for Opera News magazine, and contribute to various other publications and performing arts organizations throughout the US.

As for what you could do to honor Rip, I guess I would just ask that you say a prayer for him, and keep him in your thoughts. He loved USNA, he loved me, and I’m sure he would have loved you all, had he had the opportunity. My very warmest wishes to you all; what you are doing on your site is profoundly inspiring.

Mark

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